just tell him i said nine months
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
being pregnant is like rehab
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
