Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
