my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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