4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cannot find my penis.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
