Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
