Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
