This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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