Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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