There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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