Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
