Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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