Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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