So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
