around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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