you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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