The best revenge is premature balding
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
