Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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