Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
