u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
