just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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