I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
