just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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