my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
