Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
