I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
