Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
