Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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