well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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