well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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