final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize