All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
