I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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