I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
