I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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