ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
