the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
