bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
