do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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