so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Randomize
