A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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