You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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