im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
