Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
