he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
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Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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