we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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