i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
