this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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