I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
