I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
