Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
