I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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