It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
