do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
