It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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