just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
