one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
