Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
