Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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