I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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