Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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