The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Someone shattered a urinal.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
