Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
