We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
