im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
