I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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