His hands were made for my vagina.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
