At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
