I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
