Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm getting married
To pizza
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
